I almost always find myself taking on the leadership position. Whether work or play, when a group or groups get together, I generally take on leadership responsibilities; it comes naturally to me. Since it has never been something I was aiming to do, I never really thought carefully about the skills it really required or sought to develop additional skills I thought were needed. Now I’m learning to dance; someone is the leader and someone is the follower, and traditionally the woman is supposed to be the follower. The tables are turned and now I’m experiencing at both the micro and macro level the difference a great leader can make.

In my first lessons I learned from my instructor that it’s pretty typical for a new female dancer to try to anticipate what the lead wants; well, I can assure you I was doing my fair share of anticipating, if that’s what it’s called. After a few lessons, though, I really started to enjoy letting go of the responsibility of leading: not having to choose the next moves, not having to plan and prepare for the next move, not having to communicate that to anyone as those are someone else’s role now. My job is to keep up the basic step and wait for signals to do something else. To make it even better, the instructors remind us often that when things go wrong, it’s the leader’s fault.

In classes, we switch partners often and learn that every leader and every follower is different. When dancing socially, it becomes even more diverse since the leaders and followers are coming from different schools, different instructors, different experiences. My goal is to be such a great follower that the best leaders want to dance with me because the best leaders are fun to dance with PLUS they understand it’s their job to make their partner look fantastic. So what makes a good leader? I think the answer is the same in dance as it is in business:

Clear Direction

The best leaders give clear direction. The thing that can stop the salsa mid-step is one hand telling you to turn left and the other hand telling you to turn right. What? Huh? Which way do you want me to go? Even more frustrating is the hand that indicates I’m going to ask you to turn, but then it doesn’t tell you which way. You have three choices, left, right, and don’t turn, just keep stepping. That’s fine, but when you as a follower pick one (you only have half a beat to decide) and your leader shows a look of disappointment you start to wonder what you did wrong. Why didn’t I know what to do? Poor leadership. When the direction is clear, you turn and are ready for the next move, both of you smiling and both looking great.

Same Step

Salsa, cha-cha, bachata, merengue? The music usually tells us which dance we are performing; the leader and the follower better be dancing the same step or nothing will work. If your intent is to dance salsa and your partner thinks they are dancing cha-cha, one is going to feel rushed through a turn, trying to fit those extra little cha-cha steps in before; the other will feel like the partner is behind, “what’s taking you so damn long to turn, and where are your feet?” Even within the dance, choosing the step with the beat is important. On 1 or on 2? Unmatched, that would be a toe stomping nightmare. We may have different reasons, different goals for being on the dance floor, but it’s important that leader and follower are at least dancing the same dance, dancing and working to the beat of the same drummer.

Adjusting to Your Partner

Some of us are short, some of us are tall and there are a lot of settings in between. Some of us have short legs and some have long, we will take different size steps. The leader holds his hands at the follower’s waist level. It’s hard to follow when the directions are not coming in where they should and there are mechanical reasons why my arms need to be there. As a follower, I need to keep my arms in a specific frame, keeping the communication lines well-connected, listening. If the leader wants me to follow, he needs to communicate his intentions on my communication lines which are located at my level, not his. He has to adjust.

Taking Responsibility

The dance leader must take responsibility for their partner. I’m waiting for direction, listening my best for what to do next. My intention is to do a good job, and I’ll do the best I can with the information I’m given. I may have less experience than my partner and he has to determine what I’m capable of. If he tries a complicated move and I can’t follow it, he shouldn’t just try it again. Since I want to learn, I usually ask him “can we do that again so you can teach me how?” In the absence of that, he should keep going and try something more within the range of movements his partner can do. When the leader gives sloppy messages, I don’t appreciate it if he makes a face at me for not following, he needs to acknowledge that the message wasn’t clear to his partner, even if has been clear to others in the past. Be clearer, be better for this partner. I’m your team now and I want to do a good job. Help me do that.

My biggest takeaway is that it’s really fun to dance with a good leader and it can be a painful chore to dance with a poor one. People want to follow a good leader. I want the good dance leaders to ask me to dance because I know I can do my best with their direction; I feel confident about my movements and it makes me look good on the dance floor.

I go back to work after a weekend of dancing knowing that if my team isn’t working right, it’s my responsibility to improve communication and give better direction; that with a new team, I may have to give the same message in an even clearer way than with a previous team; that I need to challenge my team to the extent of their current capabilities and help them to grow without berating them for trying and not succeeding the first time with something new. Most importantly, I need to let them know that when the cha-cha ends that we’re going to tango and make sure the music is turned up enough for us all to hear the beat.

Question: What do leaders do that make it fun and easy for you to follow? Share your answer on Facebook, or Twitter